I got an email from a reader a couple (?) weeks ago, in which they asked me to recreate a raw treat served at their local cafe. This treat was a "delicious choc mint slice cake" and it looks like this. Oh and apparently some of the ingredients are green powders. That is what I had to go on. Into the kitchen I went! Ended up with these bad boys and BOY, ARE THEY BAD (in a good way).

Back to food. I won't lie; I made these a couple days ago and since I never write down my recipes, the precise amounts of ingredients are now slightly foggy in my confusingly and consistently fluid mind. This means your recipe may not turn out EXACTLY as what you see in these photos, but that's cool, right!? Life is about variety. Try making the recipe and adjusting it to your liking. I mean, you should always do this but you know... just sayin'. If it turns out horribly, please tell me - because maybe I forgot to write an ingredient down. 

Well, since there's nothing left to discuss concerning the recipe, I am going to rant a little about my personal life right now, because I'm feeling kinda low. Maybe it's just the change of seasons (hello, Autumn); maybe I'm getting bored with my day-to-day routine; or maybe, subconsciously, I don't WANT to be happy all the time! In any case, I'm glum as a chum. What's a chum. Irrelevant. 

I'm having a lot of mixed emotions involving past and current lovers, what they mean to me, and how they make me feel and think (compared to how I would on my own). You have to understand that I'm an independent person. I have always valued time by myself and often cancel or avoid plans with friends so I can have MORE time alone. It's not that I don't like my friends, I simply am most comfortable when left by myself, in my own head space. I have trouble - more so lately - expressing myself to others successfully and this usually makes me just want to give up communicating. Fortunately there's a few people in my life who understand this, and we can spend time together not saying a word. As recently acknowledged with a newly intimate partner, you don't have to talk to have beautiful conversations with another person. 

Having said that, I still feel that no one really gets me, but me. Thus I prefer to be left alone because that is where I am most comfortable. And yet I find myself missing certain people from my past. Are they thinking about me? Do they still love me? Do they still hate me? Do they think I am a terrible or beautiful person? Regardless, I can't be with them anymore... we had too much passion for two people. They knew me as much as any person possibly could but ultimately they didn't like what they saw, and neither did I. 

Talk about "fate"; this person literally just called me as I was typing that last sentence. Apparently they do love me, but we will "never be speaking again". Now I am almost in tears. Too much emotion for one person. 

With all that going on (and now being done with, apparently...), I have also struck up a new flame. Whether it's a rebound or not, I do not know. But either way it's nothing serious, and mostly for pure and simple fun. It's very pleasant having a partner you can be candid and affectionate with. I think we can all benefit from being completely naked with someone (literally and/or figuratively). It's therapeutic and can be healing if you allow it. But now I am polarized: I am starting to care about this person in a serious way so I want to spend more time with them while at the same time, I am wanting to cut things off because of the same reason. 

Here is where we return to my need for independence. I believe I shouldn't have to depend on any external substance to be happy, and that includes people. When I begin getting very close with a romantic partner, I find that I quickly become "addicted" to them; I want to spend all my time with them, give them everything I can, and simultaneously throw all my other responsibilities out the window. Obviously this is not healthy, so I don't want it to be this way. Perhaps this is a reason I love being alone: it stamps out any chance of me becoming dependent on another person. Ah, who knows. Not I. So I am left unsure of what to do about this new individual, my heart and brain being pulled in opposing directions; while I am still recovering from a very trying, emotionally-charged and painful relationship with another that is now "officially" over. 

I suppose that wasn't a conclusive story at all... but that's fitting, since my thoughts and decisions on these situations and relationships aren't conclusive either. I'm in the dark midst of figuring out what to do and think and how to feel about all this. 

No matter, here's a healthy recipe for you guys. Thank you for always being here for me and giving me your love and support. It's very helpful for me to write out my thoughts and I hope they are in someway useful to you; whether you can relate, contrast, or simply sympathize. You're my rock!